I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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