I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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