I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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