I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
