TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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