That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
