My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dicks are not precious.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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