Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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