I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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