What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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