I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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