Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
