you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There r osticjed everywhere
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
