This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
