best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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