I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
