Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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