clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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