remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
