i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
