He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
