I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
