the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
