the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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