i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
