Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
