He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
