The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
