So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
