When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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