oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
