yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Text me some of your sweat
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