I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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