so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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