i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
