Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
