I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
