can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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