Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
