I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
