Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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