Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
