Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
