I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
