Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
