Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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