My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The uberlube is also flammable
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
