Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
