The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
