dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
