I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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