I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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