I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Shame - the story of my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
