We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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